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When we first moved to New York, the first culture shock for us was apartment hunting.  We were thrown into the crazy pace of this city instantly, and were moving into our first apartment before I could quite catch my breath. And even though, I had this first time experience, I still started to hyperventilate just a tad when September came along and we had not yet begun our apartment search, especially since our current apartment lease would be up at the end of October.  To ease my anxiety, I started to call apartments in September.  I ran into two problems, either the apartment was already leased or realtors told me I was looking TOO early!!! Well that didn’t quite calm my nerves. I found myself at a further disadvantage with some unexpected travel that I had to take early in October.  I literally was home for one day in which I set up a couple of apartment viewings.

So what are some things that people look for when apartment hunting in New York?  I suppose everyone is different, but I believe that location and price are probably the biggest two factors.  For me, location, outside space or view, and the kitchen (not in that order) are important items.  Probably the kitchen is top of the list.  When I am home, I tend to spend a large majority of the time in the kitchen.  This is mostly in part to the budget that I have put my lovely household on. With our first New York apartment, we really lucked out and not only did we have a substantial kitchen space with a true stove and oven, it came with a dishwasher and microwave.  The dishwasher was the most coveted item of other new yorkers.  In our living room, we had a brick wall without any windows across from us that allowed us to have our windows open all the time. In our bedroom we had one window that overlooked a row of our neighbors backyards.  When ever I woke up feeling a little down, just looking out this window at my neighbors trees would pick up my spirits a bit.  We had two and half new york size closets and one very long hall.  All in all, it was a great space and it helped me to set the bar pretty high when looking for a new apartment.

So what changed when we moved? We lost the privacy brick wall and lush garden view (okay lush is a bit of an exaggeration) and instead got a parking lot.  We now pretty much keep our blinds closed all the time, because people are always coming in and out of this parking lot.  We lost our dishwasher and microwave. We lost our wood floors.  We no longer have the grocery store and laundromat directly across the street from us. We lost the proximity of some close friends, who now would have to take the bus or subway to come visit. I know this sounds a bit like a waning situation, but it is how I felt.  I felt a great loss at first. After all we had been in our other apartment for two years, and it was the first place we lived in this city, and I tend to get attached.  Then after about a week of living in our place, after we got all of our furniture in place and a large majority of the boxes unpacked, a miracle occurred: I breathed!  Yes, for the first time since moving to New York, I experienced a strange thing called space. It was kind of surreal, the living room was no longer the living room/ office space/ dining area/kitchen/toy storage area, it was simply the living room.  The kitchen was just that: the kitchen and it was a full sized kitchen complete with ample counter space and a pantry.  I noticed that we were no longer stubbing our toes at night trying to maneuver between the bed and crib and wardrobe and dresser.

Once I started to breath again, I began to notice other wonderful things.  The subway and train station are now only a half a block away from our home.  We can get to manhattan now in 11 min. if we take the train.  The subway has elevators up to the platform, instead of the three flights of stairs that I used to have to take all while carrying August and his stroller. Miraculously my back has started to hurt less. The laundromat is slightly further but has free wi-fi and chairs to sit in.  There is a really cool asian market just around the corner from our house. We are five minutes away from a park with real trees and grass.  I can walk to home depot and Michael’s in less than 15 min. and it is only 5 min. to Staples. We have a shared front porch area and I can do a cart-wheel in my living room.  I never realized what a difference 800 sq. ft. would make, until I lived in 400 sq. ft. for two years. So yes, I am sad to see my dishwasher and beautiful brick wall go, but hey now I have car neighbors.

I am filled with stories.  Kind of overflowing actually.  The last time I posted anything on my blog was in May.  Since then I have experienced 3 months with my son.  He is now almost 7 months old.  Each month in the first year of a child’s life feels like a full year, because of all the crazy development and growth that they experience.  So in some ways, I have missed almost 3 years of blogging in baby years.  Okay, that might be a little bit of an exaggeration, but really I have quite a bit filed away in the old brain and I don’t really anticipate making it to the written word anytime soon.  I am still trying to find my feet in this whole motherhood thing, and I am beginning to wonder if such a thing is possible.  I have always admired my friends with kids.  It was amazing to me to see them juggle their families and still make time for their lovely friend, and sometimes child babysitter: c’est moi.  I thought I had a grasp of how they did things or at least an outsiders understanding, and then…August was born.  Now, I think that all of my mom friends must have some sort of super power that I don’t possess.  If so, please share.  Where do I go to get this gift?  And I really need a practical super power.  I don’t see how my desire for invisibleness (no matter, how cool that would be) could help me be a better mother. Well, maybe in the teenage years?  The current super power I am pining for would have to be the “sing and snap the job done” power, just like Mary Poppins. Imagine if I could just sing a fun tune and snap my home and life into complete order?  Not only would I be a huge success, I could help millions of moms across the world, and make the world a much better place. Once this super power is mastered, don’t be surprised to see me floating through the skies of New York City with my trusty umbrella in one hand and August in the other.

Thank God that we are surrounded by community, loved by family, and able to rely on His strength.  Today we had our son August dedicated to God at church.  It was a truly significant moment as Daniel and I were challenged to raise August according to God’s principles, and the community around us agreed to help us in this endeavor.  This is a milestone moment that I will always remember, but there is a long road ahead of us…  I feel the weight of the years ahead, yet can sigh in relief, knowing that this is precisely why we dedicated our son.  I am thankful that we don’t have to be perfect parents, because we have a perfect savior.

I quit wearing make-up around January 7th of this year when I found myself on bed rest.  Who wants make-up smeared all over their pillow when you are laying on it non-stop for 24 hours..argh!!!  This was definitely a beached whale moment for me. As I grew I felt less and less inclined to have visitors.  I was make-upless, huge, and couldn’t even get up to give someone a cup of coffee when they dropped by for a chat.  The problem is that I never recovered.  My son is now 3 months old, the weight is gone, but I still find a majority of the shirts that I wear are maternity shirts (definitely easier to nurse in) and I still remain make-upless.  I have yet to find my stride and outer beauty in motherhood.  I kept wearing my maternity jeans until they began to fall down to my knees when I would store anything in the pockets. I secretly wish I could still wear them, talk about comfort!  When I began to go through my pre-pregnancy clothing I realized that my wardrobe was slowly falling apart.  My shirts were faded and had holes and my jeans were not much better.  This of course can be connected to my job in retail where I wore a dress code t-shirt and jeans everyday, so it had been a REALLY long time since I had added anything new to my wardrobe.  Now I find myself covered in lots of love from baby August.  He seems to know when I am sitting down to eat or about to participate in that sanitation ritual known as a shower.  My favorite product: facial wipes for washing your face without water…I use these in the evening, morning,  or the casual afternoon freshen up.  I came very close to buying waterless shampoo the other day. So as I sit here writing this I am make-upless, my wet hair is in a bun.  I have on a black maternity tank and the jeans that I seem to wear every day now.  The irony is that this is one of the most beautiful seasons of my life.  I love motherhood.  I am just in desperate need of a makeover…anyone willing to take on this project?

I finally got sick of paying crazy cab fares just to get into Manhattan!  August is now an amazing 5 weeks old, so I felt it was time to introduce him to the MTA.  I had a doctor’s appointment on the other end of the city, if I took a cab it would easily be around $60 for the day.  My friends told me that as long as you had a blanket or some covering over your child that people would leave you alone.  So, with a little trepidation and a lot of prayer I strapped on my babybjorn for the first time, snuggled my son faithfully in its trusty straps, then put on my largest coat, and topped August off with an adorable and very warm winter hat.  To make things a bit more complicated it was a rainy day.  So with August strapped on front, my diaper bag strapped on back, and umbrella in hand, I set out into the huge city.

Suddenly my perspective of the subway and all of the people on it changed.  What once had appeared to be a weird caterpillar, now turned into a hideous centipede!  I use this comparison because it has always been a bug in my book, but with my son in tow it transformed into a much scarier bug.  I found myself standing very far back on the platform, suspiciously eyeing every single person around me, and never loosening my grip from his little body!

I made it to the doctors office okay, and when I was almost home again I began to feel slightly relieved.  After all, I had done it!  I had finely conquered one of my larger fears with having an infant: the New York metro system.  Suddenly a woman came up to me and nicely asked if I was carrying a baby.  Of course!!!  I mean why else would I have a babybjorn strapped to my belly! Naturally, I nicely replied that yes I was carrying a baby, and was making nice small talk with her. Then, just as I thought she was about to walk away, she turned around and without asking me, lifted his hat up to sneak a peek at my son. I was so shocked, but still remained calm, after all wasn’t this my fault?  The hat was just too cute!  The little bear ears on top of it were simply too irresistible and naturally foreshadowed the fact that I had one of the most adorable little babies hidden beneath that ever existed.  I should have known that some stranger on the subway platform would be completely weakened under the powers of the cute little baby hat! Lesson learned. The subway will continue to be a centipede, and I need to use an ugly blanket to cover my son, but somehow I not quite sure that this will work.

One Month! This is such a huge milestone.  I can hardly believe that it was only one month ago that I was welcoming my son, August, into the world.  I knew that things would go fast, but really!  He is already quite noticeably bigger.  He weighs close to 11 lbs, and the crazy thing is that I just never tire of holding him or staring at him or kissing his little nose.  I love every day with him and every moment of being a mom.  He is one month old and has already had three casts on his left foot.  He was born with a club foot, and as the doctors at the NYU ponseti  center constantly remind us, this is much more difficult on the parents than the babies.  While this has invoked a few sleepless nights directly after casting, by the next day it is as if nothing ever happened.  He adapts and goes on growing and just being the most adorable baby on the planet.  I, on the other hand, am constantly checking his toes for circulation and have found out that my easy going personality is translating more into paranoia or obsessive compulsion these days. Who knew I had it in me?  Probably parents around the world.  At one month, I have so much to be grateful for!  I have a happy healthy baby boy, and God is constantly giving me more and more reasons to trust him and release control.  Let me just say, that I am learning this last one! To celebrate August’s one month, I think I will continue with a strict regimen of snuggle time and love.  This is going to be a tough day. Perhaps cake will make it into the mix today as well?

Yesterday was the original due date for my new little bundle of joy. August was born exactly 2 weeks early! I wanted to have this big moment of reflection yesterday where I would sit down and blog about how wonderful the past 2 weeks of his little life have been, but my plans were swiftly de-bunked when August decided he needed to eat every hour to hour and a half…Let’s just say that yesterday was exhausting!!!! I had probably my 14th little melt-down since he was born.  I am quite sure I have had at least one for every day of his short little life, and frankly I just could not bring myself to do anything remotely productive.  So I thought I would do the productive thing and write about my crazy day, perhaps feeling that in someway I would be making up for lost time.  I am just super thankful that I still have family here to help.  My mom left on Wednesday and my sister is here until tomorrow morning and then we really are just a cute little family of three trying to make our way in the big apple, until Daniel’s mom arrives to help.  I am slightly envious of people who get to live right next to their families! But God has brought us to New York City for such a time as this!  It is hard right now, but the best place for any mom to live, is where God has called her to live…

Lord, Thank you for bringing me one of the most amazing blessings slightly before my due date! Thank you for August!  Thank you for my awesome husband.  Thank you that I have family willing to travel at the last minute to help us in this new season. Thank you for all the people you have surrounded us with, who want to help our little family succeed. Thank you for being with us regardless of my current emotional state. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.  In Jesus Name, AMEN!

When I got pregnant, my sleep was the first thing to really suffer. First I couldn’t get enough sleep.  Anytime I was home I would pass out, but somehow the bed got harder and harder as my pregnancy progressed.  I was certain that there really were rocks in my bed, and if you have a bed made out of rocks the only thing to do is put something really soft on it.  (This I learned from experience, when as a child at camp I thought I would bond with nature by indeed making a rock bed.)  In an effort to help we got a mattress topper, while this alleviated the pain, it never really quite took care of it!   So for about 7 months I tossed and turned…I think this time was even harder on Daniel than on me, especially when in addition to the mattress topper, I felt the need to sleep with four additional pillows. Today at about the end of my exhaustion, I laid down for a short nap.  I literally sank into my bed and had to pinch myself to be convinced that I was in my little ikea bed and not at some 5 star hotel.  It was the best nap that I have had in about….oh….forever!  All I can say is that if you want to really appreciate a nap, have a baby first, and then you will understand this simple treasure.

When Daniel & I first moved to the city, we really had so many amazing God moments happen that helped us know that this was the right move for us.  Very simple things like the selling of a 250 lb. TV that we knew we could NEVER transport into a New York apartment. Then we began to feel it was time to start a family. What were we thinking?!!! We moved to one of the most expensive cities, got rid of so many of our southern comforts, and now we were thinking about adding to the craziness with a kid.  Now I am sitting here with my son.  He is one week old, and I am overwhelmed at the responsibility of being a parent.  How will we provide for him?  Where did the faith and assurance I had in our decision to move here to New York go?  Everything feels shaky and uncertain.  Yet I serve a God who is timeless and always faithful.  So I have been reminding myself all day of the amazing ways he has never ceased to provide for Daniel and I.  The most recent being the provision of a cab on our obscure little street, right in front of our home at 1:30 am in the morning when Daniel went looking for a cab to take his laboring wife to the hospital in. God is still here with us as much as ever, but having faith and trusting him with this little man that he has put in my life is truly painful.  How do other parents do it?  I am sure that post-pregnancy hormones are not helping with the emotions of this incredible event!  But here is the scripture that God has been speaking to me through, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12: 9